This post was originally written in 2019 on my first website. I have kept it largely unedited.
Just before beginning work as a Runner on a reality TV show for Studio Lambert I imagined all the bus journeys home I could spend jotting down neighbouring natters from nearby passengers and evenings spent in my new garden with a G&T in one hand and my latest craft hobby (possibly crocheting?!) in my other, like some kind of mad, art-driven octopus.
In reality, after 10 hours of running around looking for last minute colourful party tumblers, which, inappropriately, are only available coated in cringe-worthy foil slogans like ‘I don’t give a sip’, the last thing I fancy is wracking my brains for the best synonym for ‘satisfying’.
I am not complaining in the least; I have an incredibly fulfilling job that provides me with a creative outlet. However, what makes this kind of work so difficult is that all passionate energy is sucked out of you into someone else’s final creations. You become a cog in a slick, quick ticking clock. Each one of your ideas is within the nucleus of the egg that created the foetus and eventually became the TV baby.
Yes, my job is exciting. And yes, I feel incredibly privileged to have begun my career within an industry so perfectly suited to my passion, even though I have worked my ass off to get here.
But I also have that aching desire to have a creative baby of my own, rather than donating my thoughts to a sperm bank filled with numerous other artful ideas.
At the end of the day, as much as I miss having the time and mental energy to churn out three verses of depressing poetry a night or a comical scene or two for my latest short play, I feel a kind of relief to have been given a hiatus from the stress of owning entire responsibility to one creation or another.
However, even though these things are true, I cannot stop. For those of you that know me, you will know that I must always be productive, even if I’m knackered. So, please, for my own sanity, give me some creative ways to be creative even when I’m feeling drained.